Rejection

She sat down on the therapy chair, a high, triangular, buttock torture wooden chair. It is claimed that this is how the best is brought out of a client.

”I did not imagine I am still this sensitive to rejection. I did not think I am this vulnerable, this undamaged, this un-jaded. I am back to doubting every word I spell.

Getting to know someone online, eliminates almost all the usual senses; you do not see, hear, smell, touch or taste them. Only the brain works. The brain may get accepted, but if one of the senses later betrays this acceptance, you will be scratched, again, right in the Jugular.
You will feel just as bad as being empirically rejected, or even worse, as the brain is dismissed in toto by the disapproval of a single senseless sense; of the way you look, sound, or smell, let alone feel.
When you chat over the web, you allow the entity at the other end to make a person out of you the way they wish. They make that image according to the senses they are used to use. In other words, you only fill the brain part by your thoughts and allow them to draw the outside image. You give that unknown entity on the other end, the full unrestricted freedom to draw your image using their senses which you have absolutely zero control over. That image is vulnerable and may very easily be torn to pieces.

When your brain gets discarded because you don’t fit the outside image they had sculpted you in, you as a person will be diminished to nothing, dust. You basically had given them total liberty and absolute control. That is a lot of giving.

The story of my lemon tree.
I was watering a plant, taking care of it, and building a bond with it. It died.
A slim stem grew in the pot instead, possibly out of a forgotten seed. The new stem grew up towards the ceiling, and then started to give scent.
It started giving, only after I had paid attention to it, after it grew and persisted, after we had built a bond.
Then the scent came; a lemon tree.

I had loved it and cherished it even before it gave away its scent and gave away its identity. It had convinced me to love it, bit by bit, before telling me what it really was, before allowing me to draw a mental image of it. It allowed me to fall in love before I “know” or even “expect”. It did not allow me to box it. I was tricked into loving that anonymous stem.

I do not know if that lemon tree is now dead, or is still spreading its peace. We had parted after a kiss, and an unspoken goodbye, whispered by the edges of the eyelids

Now another stem is growing in another pot on the shelf of my balcony.
The same story of death, and of a new stem.
The new stem is not giving away anything yet.
I am not in love with it yet.
I am more careful this time.
Still, am very volatile.”

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16 thoughts on “Rejection

  1. Dina says:

    Don’t blame the internet for wrong choices… Some ppl are real some are fake even in real life… Mmm what else.. Yeah .. There is no relationship if there is no giving and recieving.. Give love and care.. It will get back at u … The only chance to get nothing in return is when u r not sending to the correct address :p .. Thx for sharing your awesomeness Ahmad 😍

    • Agree, love is built, brick by brick, by two equals in giving and receiving (even cyber-ly)

      I have this bias, that receiving properly is more difficult than giving.

      Thank you..

    • But most importantly from “one” self. We first have to accept ourselves, and not to have others’ approval as the sole means for that.

  2. ابو جزاع الصخري says:

    Thank you for this blog Alraúh
    creativity “(Atahm total freedom
    and absolute control

  3. abusameerzen says:

    احترام النفس يبداء باحترام الترابط بالمحيط ….جميع الاشياء تدخل حياتنا ك مفردات لتساعدنا على الاستمرار فلنكن على قدر احساسها بحاجتنها اليها …..شكرا على الاسلوب والمضمون

    • ولعلنا ان رأينا بعض الأشياء او حتى كل الاشياء كما هي “كاملة” وليس الجزء الذي نحتاجه منها فقط؛ سنقدّرها كاملة مكتملة وبكل جمالها.

      الشكر لك.

  4. أسماء says:

    هل من عطاءٍ دونما حبٍ ؟ حتى شجر الليمون يأبى أن يمدّٓ يد عطره إن لم يكن من فيك من الليمون أثر. ما فينا حبٌّ للأرض و لا شوقٌ للسما فلم نطلب رزقهما؟ إن جافت الدموع تربتها لم نشكوا عقمها و قحطها؟ حتى المطر ما ما عاد له لهفة لنا.
    و الآن قد علمت لم شجر الدار لم يزهر في غيابك ، إن كنت عودتّهنّ على دلال الحبّ فلمن يتجمّلن إن لم يكن لأحبابها .
    أمّا عن الرّفض في الجزء الأول قلن أعلق لأنّ رأيي فيه بذخ .طوبى لمن ينبت فرع الليمون في قلوبهم ينجرح كلّما هبّت ريح رفضٍ صوبهم .

    أشكرك حكيم على رفضك في اليومين الأخيرين قبولنا ، قبولنا لنزع الروح من الأرض .
    دمت بسلام .

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